


I would rather be dead instead

by naitomeatori



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Fights, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 10:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13762116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naitomeatori/pseuds/naitomeatori
Summary: My take on how Hanzo and Genji's initial fight went down.Warning for violence, written dissociation, implied death (I mean, he doesn't die and we all know that but still)





	I would rather be dead instead

“You don’t have to do this. No one is telling you that you have to do this, brother.”

We stood several yards apart, both for different reasons. I wasn’t leaving without him, no matter what excuses he made. I extended my hand to him, taking a step forward.

“No one has to tell me. It is my duty, and I am not going to run away from it. Please, we have all had enough of this nonsense you insist on. Come home, and stand by my side like before.”

“I will not. I have my own path to follow, one separate from the one paved by our father, and his before him. I see a different truth, one of peace and not hostility. There is more to this life than killing and crime, and I have seen it.” He took a step back, shrugging his shoulders and smirking. “Of course, it must be hard for you to understand that your way isn’t the only way.”

I bit my tongue. “You are being a brat, Genji. The elders are right, it would do you good to come back to earth and behave like an adult. You are old enough now to leave your childish behavior behind and be a productive member of the family. There is more to what we do than killing.” I smirked back at him. _This will be a long game_. “Of course, it must be hard for you to understand that there is more to life than bedding women.”

He huffed a soft of muted laugh before crossing his arms. “You wouldn’t have the faintest clue about that though, would you brother? Have you ever even seen a woman without clothes? No, or else you would understand that that sight is better than anything you’re used to.”

He wants to play this game, then? “Of course I know nothing of it, since you seduced and consequently stole my bride-to-be. Unlike you I am an honorable man, and have eyes for only one lady at a time. Forgive me if I was not feeling very attractive after that affair.” A low blow like that was nothing I couldn’t handle. He had caused all of my troubles with women, but up till now I had excused him instead of blaming him. Not anymore, if he was going to turn it back to me.

“Puh-lease,” He relaxed, leaning his head to the side and letting his arms swing unrestricted at his sides again. “You wouldn’t have been happy even if I hadn’t intervened. You didn’t want her, hell, I haven’t seen you actually want to be with anyone! We both know that was a sour arrangement by the elders to end one of their own arguments with another clan. I mean, I pretty much saved your ass on that one. You should be thanking me.”

“Thanking you? Not for that. I was perfectly fine with the arrangement, and so was she. Your intervention was out of line. Are you finished excusing yourself? It is time to come back.” I felt that he was trying to divert the topic. No matter what else he brought up tonight, the fact remained that he was coming back home with me and straightening up his act. The elders would not accept anything less.

“I told you, I’m not going. You know I don’t have to, either. You’re the boss now, remember? You can just say you didn’t think it was a big deal, and let me go.” He smiled at me. His smile was big, a real crowd pleaser. He had used it in the past to get anything he wanted, from anyone, but that trick wouldn’t work on me.

“I agree with the elders. You have no discipline, and it is in everyone’s best interest if you settle down and grow up. You will thank us later, if you would just try.”

“No way. They want me to do bad shit, they would have me kill people. No way, no way. I’m not like that, never will be. I actually have a conscious, unlike you. I don’t care what someone does, they don’t deserve to die for it.”

“No action deserves death? That is hilarious. If you knew our enemies as I do, you would understand why death is too kind for them. But that is beside the point. There is more to do with the organization than murder. You just refuse to see it. You would not have to kill anyone, if you would just come back.”

“I don’t care what you want me to do. It isn’t worth my freedom. I don’t want to be involved in any capacity, when I can just live on my own and do whatever, whenever I please.”

“You are such a child. You have no sense of responsibility. What sort of job do you think you could hold? Your only worth is as a ninja and a bachelor. Those are not marketable traits in the peace industry.”

“I’ll figure something out. I just don’t want to deal with the elders’ drama.”

More excuses. “You would not even stay to assist me? I am not able to run this on my own. I could use your valuable input. You would be able to do as you please aside from when I needed you, of course.”

“No. Don’t you understand? I. Don’t. Care. The whole organization can go to hell, Hanzo. I hate it, and everything it stands for. And you’re an idiot if you think you’re doing something good by staying in it. Why don’t you leave too, just tell them to kiss your ass and come with me?”

I sneered at him. What sort of person did he take me for? I was trained my whole life to one day take over this organization, and now it was time. It would be dishonorable to leave at this point; I would look like a coward, and not worth my name. My pride would not allow that. I had worked too hard to earn my name, to earn the honor I had today. Genji, he had no honor, born with his name. Still he had been father’s favorite, the golden child who could do nothing wrong. He was weak-willed, and if he had been sent on any mission to kill someone, he would have come back in tears. Shameful. He stands here now to convince me that my whole life has been a sham, calling me a fool for believing in the values I was raised with. Sometimes I wonder how he became so sensitive, before remembering that as the younger brother he was not required to do many of the tasks I was assigned.

“You are the fool. There is honor in the work we do, whether you want to see it or not. Not that that means much to you, seeing as you prefer to be a dishonorable cretin and hold false grudges against your name. You are better than this, you are a Shimada. You should not be wasting your life with this folly you claim to believe in. This is the last time I will ask you to come with me. I do not want to have to force you, brother.”

Genji narrowed his eyes and adopted an annoyed look. He exhaled sharply and put a hand on his katana, a sign that he was prepared to fight if it came to that.

“Don’t call me ‘brother’ right after threatening me, Hanzo. We both know I’m the better ninja, and I’d be happy to kick your ass if it meant you’d leave me alone. I don’t need you anymore, or the family. Like you said, I’m an adult now. I’m allowed to make my own decisions and I choose to leave. I don’t know where I’m going, but as long as it’s away from you and this place, I don’t really care.” His words were bitter and harsh, and it was obvious he meant them. He shifted his weight to his other foot, still relaxed as always, his hand still resting on his blade.

I had given him his warning. He was adding insult to injury at this point, and had even gone so far as to hint at disowning me. This was enough. It was getting hard for me to maintain my disposition, and my breathing had gotten heavy. Why were his words affecting me so badly? Why couldn’t I think? I felt the sting of his words, but my mind was all but numb. I took a breath and closed my eyes, reaching to my blade.

“I do not want to fight you, Genji. You are still my brother, and you are the most important person in my life. Please do not make this difficult. No one will win if we fight now. It would only end in sorrow.” I open my eyes to look up at him, and I become aware that my tone has shifted to a plea. “Please, brother, I do not want to do this.”

“Don’t act like that, we both know it’s a front. If I was so important to you, you wouldn’t have come after me like this. But no, you chose differently.” He gently drew his blade and let it rest to his side. “Don’t worry your conscious with familial bonds, either. I’m done being kin to this family.”

He walked forward, blade steady at his side. I can tell that he isn’t taking this seriously, that he’s confident he will win in moments. I haven’t drawn my sword, instead still going over in my mind what was just said. He denounced himself as my brother, as part of the family, I’m sure that’s what happened. The closer he got, the less I was able to think, and I was trying desperately to find the words to tell him that this wouldn’t be so easy. In all our years together, I was consistently told to be easy on him; I had not once come at him with my full strength, instead just focusing on disarming him or putting him on the floor. Other times I would be urged to let him win, to purposefully lower my defenses to give him an edge. I did not want to fight him earnestly now.

I can feel my body push to fight. This urge that I had kept in check my whole life, and it chose a time when I should show restraint to surface and beg for release. Genji was almost upon me, his face stern. I told myself that I could keep this from becoming lethal, so long as he would meet me half way. I drew my sword, resting it in front and taking a solid stance. I will only defend. I will not let my mind leave me like it wanted.

Genji wasted no time when he was within range. His speed had always been enviable, even if he sometimes forgot what he was supposed to be doing with it. My body reacted faster than my brain, and I blocked his upward swing before jumping away. He was not done, and anticipated my movements. He met me again, and again I blocked. He swung over and over, half-assed blows with no real strength behind them, a slight grin on his face. Finally, I was able to put distance between us, and he let out a laugh.

“Is that all you’re going to do? At least try, I want to beat you fairly!” He pointed his blade toward me and adopted a cocky smile. “Take aim at me. I know you couldn’t hit me even if I was standing still.”

I was unable to respond. I was suddenly angry, far more so than I would usually allow myself to be. This was a taunt, and I was better than to fall for that. My mind felt different, and I found myself tightening my grip on my blade. _I do not want to do this_ , I repeated to myself. I dashed forward at him with my blade high. He would regret pushing me like this.

He deflected the swing, but the look on his face told me that he had not expected it to have that much force. I swung again, and again, until I finally landed one in his arm. He let out a yelp and looked horrified at the gash.

“Pretty lucky shot there, didn’t think you could do it.”

Cocky as ever. He recovered quickly, and it was time to move again as he pushed through the pain in his arm to come at me again. He was too slow this time. I passed him to be behind him, grabbing him from behind and throwing him to the floor as I tripped him with my blade. Another hit, this one to his thigh. He did not seem to be as confident getting up from that one. I took that time to put distance between us while waiting for him to get back to his feet, but it was only instinctual. My mind was too hazy for me to have thought that movement out, and I could feel my body shaking. Was it from anger, or something else? I felt like, if I didn’t go outside soon, my mind would leave my body more so than it already had.

“Too good to attack a man while he’s down, huh? Guess even murderers have a code.” He stood up in the next instant, and took a look at his new wound. That should slow him down.

I had stopped hearing his words when he spoke. His voice was a dull mumble, barely enough for my mind to register it. As soon as he was back up, I readied my blade and lunged at him again. I told myself that that was plenty of time for him to be able to deflect or dodge, but his outburst of pain said differently. I had never heard him sound so much in pain. He looked at me with a devilish expression.

“Won’t even give me a minute to get my bearings? This hurts, you know.”

My mind blanked out on his voice again. I felt empty and dull, and my hands lifted my sword on their own. I was overcome with malice and anger and hurt, but even though I knew those feelings existed, I couldn’t actually feel them. I was nearly relaxed as I brought the blade down on him again, not driving my own actions.

He cried out in pain again, by the look on his face. He looked as if someone had betrayed him, but that couldn’t be right. It was he who was betraying me, he was the one leaving me alone to live in this hell by myself. He who had no love for me after everything, he who was turning his back on me because he wanted to sleep with women. My brother, the only one who I could talk to about the way the elders treated me. My brother, my best friend, who denounced himself as my family and then smiled. He was no longer my brother. He was no longer the person I knew and loved, he was someone else who cared nothing for me, who only cared for his own selfish desires.

As I stood over him I could feel tears welling in my eyes. My breathing was harsh and shallow. My hands were still shaking, but I knew now it was because they had no mind to control them. I landed blows on him repeatedly until he was on the floor, and he had stopped reacting to the attacks. I took a step back as his body lay unmoving on the ground, and took a deep breath. He could not be dead though, I thought. I looked to my hands, which were cut and bleeding from the force I had put on them unconsciously, and the realization came down hard, all at once. My mind was no longer numb. My mind was in my body again and my conscious mind was forced to see what I had just done.

I dropped to my knees before him, finally allowing myself to cry for him. He really wasn’t moving, and I was too much of a mess now to check if he was breathing. I shook uncontrollably, gasping for air as I sobbed over him. This is not what I wanted to do. I was not going to do this. I gained enough composure to stand, wiping the tears from my face and sniffling. I would have to explain this to the elders later, but right now I needed to get away from my crime.

I decided in that instant that I would rather be dead instead.

**Author's Note:**

> I would've had this posted a long time ago, but I'm going to be honest in that I kept dissociating because of the content. I really needed to write it though, so I finally just finished it. This is a very personal fic, so sorry if you didn't like it. It took a lot out of me mentally though, so I hope you do!  
> Thanks for reading!


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